Like a Moth to the Flame
by l0velyfe
Summary: A terrible crime is committed on an autumn night. Ichigo is the victim. Grimmjow survived the war. What happens when the Espada saves the teen and Ichigo gives him a place to stay? /Rated M for sexual content & language/ -CHARACTER DEATH WARNING-
1. Chapter 1

**Like a Moth to the Flame**

Written by _Illuminate the Shadows_

Chapter One

_3,948 words_

* * *

><p>It was a cold autumn night. Rain drizzled from the gloomy gray clouds steadily, coating everything beneath them like a damp blanket. I wore my hood to keep the rain off of my vibrant hair as I made my way home from Urahara's shop.<p>

The streets were dark, and nearly deserted. I was in the poor side of town, where crime was abundant and streetlights flickered ominously on the black concrete. All was quiet, and I almost found myself yearning for some hollow activity. Everything was too still.

Soon I was almost out of the creepy part of downtown. I walked fast, having no desire to remain on these streets any longer than needed. An old bar was in my path; it was so old that the sign outside was crumbling, yet people still visited it. I shuddered at the thought of the horrible things that probably went on in the little establishment. Keeping my eyes ahead, I strolled past it, hands stuffed in the pockets of my dark blue jeans.

I thought if I didn't look at the people outside, they wouldn't mess with me.

I was naive.

A low whistle echoed in my ears as I moved past the saloon. Choosing to ignore it, I kept walking, upping my pace a bit. I wasn't particularly afraid of the drunk men; they would have been easy enough to avoid. I just wanted to get home to Karin and Yuzu.

I heard a cough, and stole a glance over my shoulder. Two men were stumbling after me, but they didn't seem to be trying to catch up to me. Convinced they were just following me, I turned back around, walking faster. I could lose them easily if I needed to.

A sudden reiatsu drifted into my senses. Furrowing my brows as it doused my body like a wave of cold water, I tried to pinpoint it. Certainly it was familiar. It wasn't a shinigami as far as I could tell. If not an ally, then a foe?

I let myself be distracted by it.

I was an idiot.

An arm snaked around my waist and another over my mouth, smothering the yell that erupted from my lips. All concern of the spiritual pressure flew from my mind as I struggled against the man, my nails raking through skin. He growled in pain and I felt a fist connect with my ear. Stunned for a moment, I blinked dazed eyes at the familiar men who had been following me. One blonde, one bald. Blondie smirked.

"Didn't yer mama teach ya not ta walk around so late at night?"

A blow was landed to my abdomen and I doubled over in pain, falling to my knees as the man behind me let go. While the wind was knocked out of me, I was kicked to the ground. My face was pushed down into the collection of murky water as hands gripped at my body. I tried to yell. A foot pressed down on my head, and my priority altered to attempting to breathe. I heard the ripping of my clothes. The cold night air snaked around my thighs as I sputtered in the water.

My world erupted in white, hot pain and a cry escaped my lips. I distinctly felt the tear within my body as he moved roughly, my blood becoming his lubrication. Disgraced, my fingers closed uselessly against the concrete ground. Sobs wracked my body as the man behind me grasped my hips hard, nails cutting into my skin.

I was so weak. Helpless. Since the war, I'd been paranoid. I was left wide open. I retained the ability to see spirits. But without my shinigami powers, I was just a normal teenager. Without my shinigami strength, I couldn't fend off these three men.

* * *

><p>Fuck, this city was fucking boring. Almost as bad as Hueco Mundo.<p>

The war had ended months ago. Without Aizen ruling Las Noches, the place had become a fucking hellhole. Hollows ran wild, fighting amongst themselves. As far as I knew, I was the only Espada that had survived. Espada. What the fuck was the point of that word anymore. Sexta Espada. There was no point if there were no others.

Karakura town had become my new unofficial residence. Though lately, I'd considered moving somewhere different. This place didn't have enough action. Especially tonight. I had a few drinks in my system; enough to rile me up and sharpen my fighting skills. If someone so much as glanced at me wrong, I'd rip their fucking intestines out and choke 'em with 'em.

My sensitive ears picked up noises down the street a few blocks. Continuing along, I spotted a scuffle going on in an alley. Grinning hugely, I strolled over. A perfect excuse to hand someone's ass to them.

Soon enough, I saw that this was no ordinary burglary. There were three of them, and a helpless one on the ground. It was dark and there were clothes in the way, but I could tell by instinct and acute scent what was going on. My hands balled into fists.

"Oi!"

The two that weren't involved turned to look over their shoulders. Realizing they'd been caught in the act, they turned around fully.

"Hey stranger. Wanna join?" The bald man wore a disgusting smirk. I yearned to rip my claws right through that mouth of his.

"Nah. I ain't a fuckin' rapist."

They glanced at each other, and then the dirty blonde one shrugged. "Suit yourself."

Like the fools they were, they thought they were a match for me. The blonde one simply came at me with fists. Ducking under his punch, I turned and hit the back of his knees, hard. They buckled and he nearly fell. With a huge grin plastered on my face, I reached down. My grown claws sliced through his flesh. The tearing sound of his tendon as I ripped it out was simply satisfying. His scream was an added bonus. He fell to the ground in pain, and I turned on the other.

This guy had a gun. Instantly more wary, I circled around him slowly. The other man was still near the incapacitated one, – was it a woman? – unconcerned with his comrades' demise.

My hand hit his wrist as his finger jerked the trigger, and I heard the bullet whiz past my head as my other fist connected with his face. Although it was accidental, I couldn't smother my triumphant smirk when his eye socket popped. Almost immediately, he fell to the ground, writhing in pain as he held his hand to his face.

I went for the gun, picking it up and cocking it, then pointed it to the remaining man's head. "Don't fuckin' move."

He hesitated, becoming still. I could hear soft whimpers from the one below, and although they were by no means masculine, they were far from that of a woman's. "Fucked up motherfucker," I murmured, pressing the gun harder against his scalp. "Get out, an' be nice about it."

He obeyed, and I heard the cry of pain as the man's length left the smaller one's body. I accidentally glanced, and saw blood. Lots of blood. I could nearly taste it. But it only upped my fighting spirit. Instincts kicked in and I tossed the gun away. The man turned around to face me, smirking slightly now that his dick was back in his jeans. The younger male lay crumpled on the wet concrete.

"Dumbass. D'you really think you can–"

His sentence was cut short as I leapt at him, knocking him to the ground. I heard his skull connect with the hard ground, but that didn't stop me from digging my nails into his flesh. A heightened scream spilled from his lips as I tore at his body, the shredding of skin tingling deliciously into my fingers.

Gradually, his cries became weaker and weaker as he became lifeless. Standing from the mutilated body, I glanced at the other men. Blondie was still panting on the ground, eyes wide at his recent witness of his friend being torn apart like a deer beneath a cougar. Moving to pick up the gun, I stepped over the trail of blood. Fuckin' river of the shit, flowing into the drain at the opening of the narrow alley.

I quickly buried two bullets in blondie's head, and then checked up on baldy. He was unconscious, but probably still alive. Crouching down, I placed the gun in his limp hand and raked my claws across his neck. Blood spurted, pulsing from his jugular.

Fuckin' beautiful.

* * *

><p>The ache in my body was intense. Still, I was grateful that it was over. What was left of my clothes was dripping wet; in fact, I felt soaked to the core. Shivering, I pushed myself up, managing to get to my feet underneath me, and I sat on them, my torn, un-tucked school shirt covering my exposed body.<p>

The screams I had heard still echoed in my ears. Whomever had come to my rescue had murdered them, I was pretty sure. The metallic scent of blood weighed down the cool night air. All was unusually still, and I leaned against the cool brick wall.

Suddenly, I felt a looming presence beside me. Wincing slightly, I couldn't tell if it was one of my attackers, or my savior. I heard the ruffle of clothing. He had stooped down beside me.

"You okay?"

Furrowing my brows, I thought hard. I knew that voice…

Something caught my eye. It was his hand. Gently, I felt his fingers touch my chin and guide it up and to my left. Dark blue orbs gazed down at me.

All was silent.

Shock sparked in the air like electricity before a storm.

It was Grimmjow.

Grimmjow Jeagerjaquez.

My mind struggled to process this concept. Grimmjow, the Sexta Espada. Grimmjow, the man whom I'd fought to the brink of death with more than once. Grimmjow, the asshole Arrancar who didn't give a fuck about anyone but himself.

Grimmjow, the man whom I'd thought to be dead for months now.

I didn't realize there were tears on my cheeks until his thumb brushed one away. Flinching away from him, I turned my head. I was weak; vulnerable. Surely Grimmjow would take advantage of this and kill me. He murdered the others because he wanted me for himself. He had always wanted my blood on his hands.

His fingers on my chin gently forced me to look at him again. His gaze was serious. Blood was splashed on his clothes, even splattering up to his neck. He looked like he came straight out of a horror movie.

"Listen ta me," he murmured, his fingers remaining on my chin. "I'm not gonna hurt you. Not here. Not now. You can trust me now."

His words were strangely comforting. Broken and hurt, I had no choice but to have faith in him. His hands were cold as he touched my ribs hesitantly; I could feel the cool touch through my thin white shirt.

"Can I touch ya?"

One nod.

He gathered me up in his arms, situating me so that my legs hung over his arm and my head rested against his shoulder. My body was limp in his hold.

I turned my face into his shoulder once he started to run, attempting to avoid the cold rain and wind. Hidden in that bit of warmth, I cried steadily until the wall in my mind finally gave away to the pressing darkness.

* * *

><p>He was there.<p>

I was discharged from the hospital two weeks after the incident. When I woke up for the first time, I was in a hospital bed with a nice-looking nurse looking down at me. As soon as she saw my eyes open, she paged the doctor.

At first, I didn't remember anything. How I got there, what had happened to me… The doctor said I had temporary amnesia and anxiety. It was normal, he said. The body's way to try to forget the horrors of a rape. I'd cringed when he'd said that word. Rape. Never in a million years did I think I would be the victim of a rape.

My dad and sisters came to visit me. Yuzu more than the others. She stopped by on her way home from school every day. She usually had flowers of some kind. I'd given her the explanation that I was beat up by some drunk guys. It was most of the truth. And she was too young to think about those kinds of things.

After the doctors were sure I had healed completely, they let me go. It was the middle of October now, and the leaves were beautiful colours of orange, yellow and red. The cool air was crisp and refreshing.

On my way out of the hospital, I'd seen something that disturbed me. A small television was playing in the lobby; the news was on. They were talking about criminals.

"This man's whereabouts are currently unknown, as is his identity. Once again, it is believed he committed three murders on the night of September 29th. Here is a sketch provided by the Karakura hospital, where he was last seen."

I groaned softly at the black and white sketch on the television.

Shielding my eyes in the sun, I stepped through the glass doors and out onto the sidewalk. The sun was shining through the clouds.

"Oi."

Turning around, my eyes widened at the figure standing a few feet away. A black beanie covered his vibrant blue hair, and he wore a long overcoat.

"Do you know there's a warrant out for your arrest?"

He stepped closer, glancing around. "Eh, keep it down will ya? I know." His dark blue eyes rested on me. "As if they could take me in if they recognized me."

Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair. "What… Are you doing here?"

His familiar grin returned to his face. "Thought I'd get ya somethin' ta eat."

My stare was incredulous. He chuckled. "… Why would you do that? Where did you get money? How did you know I was getting out today? Why are you still here! Are you stalking me?"

His hand extended before I could react and ruffled my hair like I was a little kid. Ducking away, I smoothed it back down, glaring daggers at him. "Well… In order. Yer hungry, aren't ya? I been doin' little random jobs 'ere and there. I checked with the hospital yesterday. 'M waitin' fer yer answer. An' only if ya want me to." He smirked.

Glancing around, I shrugged. "… Okay, I guess."

* * *

><p>The little café was too fuckin' cute, but it was where he wanted to go. Goddamn, he was so different now. Not the – admittedly badass – shinigami I'd known. He was just a kid. Just a young man who was a bit awkward, yet it was endearing. I cringed at that thought as I sat down in the booth across from him.<p>

'_Hey, yer tryin' that 'be a regular person' thingy now. Emotions are a part'a that, I guess.'_

"Are you seriously gonna hide out in the city until they stop looking for you?"

His voice shook me from my thoughts. Looking at him blankly, I furrowed my brows. He raised an eyebrow. "You know… The warrant for your… Arrest…?"

"Oh. Yeah, I guess. I don't wanna, uh, go anywhere else. 'Cause yer here."

He lowered his menu, surveying me with curious brown eyes. "'Cause I'm here? So you _are_ stalking me."

I managed a smirk. "Not really. Uh," I glanced out the window, "… Listen. Now that all the war shit's over, we ain't really enemies anymore. Shinigami an' hollows're enemies. Not humans an' hollows." He blinked those chocolate eyes. "I guess what'm sayin' is… Since I'm gonna try'ta stay here an' live here, I might as well hang with ya, since I don't know anyone else."

He rolled his eyes, raising the menu again, though I could just barely see his eyes over the plastic. "Great, so you're gonna follow me around like a little puppy?"

Scowling, I attempted to look down at my menu. "Ya owe me. I saved yer fuckin'–"

The young waitress standing next to our table cleared her throat tentatively. I could do nothing but smirk when Ichigo's cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

"Uhm, sorry about that. I'll… Have a hot chocolate and a BLT, please."

The waitress scribbled it down, and then glanced at me warily. "… Anything for you, sir?"

Shrugging, I handed her the menu dismissively. "Just coffee."

She hurried away, and Ichigo regarded me with accusing eyes. When I didn't apologize, he dropped the guilt-trip and rolled his eyes. "… Yeah okay, I owe you. If I get caught, I'm screwed. I could go to jail for harboring a criminal, you know."

I smirked, resting my elbow on the table and my chin in my palm as the waitress set Ichigo's hot cocoa down. "… Yer actin' really okay fer what happened ta ya."

His bemused expression fell almost immediately. He took an ice cube from his water and stirred it into the dark liquid. "… I'm just good at disguising things. I was a shinigami for months before Orihime or anyone knew."

Watching him take a sip from the cup, I struggled to let the emotions flow through my veins like icy blood. _'It would be just my luck that 'm attracted ta him.' _He met my eyes, blinking slowly, and I shifted my gaze so it wouldn't look like I was fucking gawking at him._ 'Attraction. Lust. It's purely physical.'_

"Thanks." I was pulled from my thoughts again as the waitress left Ichigo's sandwich on the table and rushed away. "She's so afraid of you now," he laughed, cutting it in half with a knife.

"… So, uh… I was right about you not bein' a shinigami, huh?"

He nodded, taking the bread off to pick the tomatoes off. "Yeah. You probably heard, right?" I nodded my head in agreement. "The Final Getsugatensho made me lose all my powers. I mean, I guess I can still see spirits. But I had that before."

"So no more Zangetsu?"

"No more Zangetsu. No more hollow either." He took a bite, chewing thoughtfully. "How'd you survive?"

"Tch, did ya think I'd get killed that easily?"

He smiled, wiping his face with a napkin. "I guess not."

* * *

><p>"We don't have a guest room, so I dunno where you're gonna sleep." I pushed the door open, and Grimmjow followed me inside.<p>

"I don't sleep that often anyway."

Closing the door behind him, I locked it as he surveyed the living room and connected kitchen. "… Well I guess you can sleep on the couch if you do get tired." I moved past him, flipping the light switch and dousing us in yellow light. "How the hell am I gonna tell my dad about this…"

I heard footsteps as he followed me into the kitchen. "Just tell him the guy who saved ya needs a place ta stay."

Wrinkling my nose, I made my way up the steps. "You're all over the news, dumbass. My dad watches the news. He'd recognize you."

"Oh."

"That's my dad's bedroom," I said, pointing to the door at the end of the hall. "My sisters' bedroom is the one next to it. The bathroom and my bedroom are on the right." Turning that way, I pushed my door open. "This's mine."

Grimmjow poked his head inside, looking around. Laughing, I muttered, "You can go in, ya know. It's not booby-trapped or anything."

Sparing me a glance of distaste, he moved inside. I followed him in, wandering to the window to crack it open. The air was stuffy. "I'm gonna have to go back to school on Monday. So I guess you can hang out here, if you don't destroy the place."

"Ya act like 'm some monster 'a destruction or somethin'." He picked up my math book, opening it and flipping through the pages. "What the hell's this shit?"

Giggling softly, I sat down on my bed. "School stuff."

"Oh." He set it down, then turned around and looked at me, hands in his pockets. I took the opportunity to notice that his hair was no longer concealed by the beanie. He looked himself again. Shaking the thought away, I bit my cheek.

"So… We're just kind of… Acquaintances now?"

He blinked, his face nearly expressionless. "I dunno. Yeah."

"To be honest, I think I only ever hated you because you always tried to kill me whenever you saw me," I smiled. "And 'cause you were an Espada."

"Still am." Raising my eyes to him, I watched as he looked out the window in what I deciphered as a bit sad of an expression. "Guess that word means nothin' now."

Closing my eyes, I rested my body back against the wall parallel to my bed. "… None of the others survived, did they?"

"Not that I know of."

"I mean, I guess they could still be hiding somewhere, like you."

"What happened to Aizen?"

My eyes opened. Grimmjow was sitting in my desk chair, regarding me with slightly curious black eyes. "You don't know?" He shook his head.

"All I know is he got defeated."

"Yeah… That guy had way too many tricks up his sleeve." Grimmjow smirked. "First he evolved into some 'transcendent being', then he went into hollowification, then he became almost a full hollow. In the end, I guess Urahara was the one who really defeated him. The Hogyoku rejected him. Last I heard, he's imprisoned in Seireitei for 20,000 years."

"But he's immortal. So what happens in 20,000 years?" the blue-haired Espada murmured.

My gaze drifted down to the carpet. "… Good question."


	2. Chapter 2

**Like a Moth to the Flame**

Written by _Illuminate the Shadows_

Chapter Two

_4,049 words_

* * *

><p>I tried so damn hard.<p>

I didn't want to think about him. I tried so hard to think of anything but him. But he drifted around in my head as I lie there in bed, staring up at the ceiling in the dark. The soft breeze floated in through the window, and he was in my head.

It wasn't the first time he had invaded my thoughts. For some time during Aizen's uprising, I'd found myself curious about the blue-haired Arrancar. Sure, he was dead, but so were all of the other spirits I'd associated with. Yeah, he was a bastard, but his personality fit him. The problem was… He was my enemy, and he hated me, because I was a shinigami and he was a hollow. Shinigami and hollow were natural enemies. It had been like that for a thousand years.

But things were different now. I wasn't a shinigami; I was no longer his enemy. I posed no threat to him now, and since Aizen was gone, he had no real purpose. He had saved me, and proved my theory right all along. I had always believed he wasn't such an asshole; it was just during battle, and being in that terrible Las Noches place.

But there was something else wrong. We were both males.

Homosexuality wasn't uncommon in my society, especially among men. You could walk down the streets of Karakura during the day and probably see at least two homosexual couples, whether they be men or women. It was looked down upon by some, sure. So was prostitution, and we had a hell of a lot of that here too.

Grimmjow didn't quite strike me as the type that would accept being gay. In fact, he seemed like one of those assholes at a bar that would mock a lesbian or gay couple. Part of me trembled at the thought of taking that step into that world, for the sake of myself as well as him. What good could it possibly do?

And then, what harm could it possibly do…?

He haunted me in my dreams too. At first, just there at a glance, or presence. But then, his hands were on my skin and his lips on mine. Before I knew it, I was lying awake in bed, panting and covered in a thin sheen of sweat from my dream.

Damn, I was such a teenager… Shifting slightly, I groaned softly in annoyance. I was aroused still. Contemplating a solution, I glanced around my room. My sisters were at a sleepover. My dad was working graveyard shift, and probably wouldn't be home for another hour or so. Grimmjow was the only one who would be lurking, but I could barely sense his reiatsu. He was either downstairs or gone from the house, and what I felt was the lingering remains.

Deciding to take care of it, I wriggled my pajama pants from my slim hips, kicking them off the end of the bed. I would have to find them later, but I didn't really care at the moment, because my hand felt incredibly good on my own length. Being more on the chaste side, I didn't do this often and it felt good to be a little mischievous.

Most men would probably laugh and call me rather inappropriate names, but I did like being penetrated. It was for this reason – and the fact that I found other men attractive – that I believed I was gay. Although I had never been with another man, I had never really been physically attracted to females either.

Lifting my legs into the air and creating a fort-like structure in the sheets, I pressed my finger into the tight heat. An unexpected whimper escaped my lips, and I opened my eyes. Silence. Realizing I'd have to keep somewhat quiet, I resumed slowly pumping my shaft and moving my finger in and out of myself.

The heat built inside me and my mind unconsciously searched for a face to match to the 'stranger's' finger inside me. Unfortunately, my mind chose Grimmjow. Nearing the peak of ecstasy, I didn't hesitate for long. Shutting my eyes tight, my spine arched as I pictured his larger finger in the place of mine. Little shivers ran up and down my spine as my imagination ran wild, coming up with all sorts of erotic images and thoughts. I was so close.

'_Grimmjow…' _Another finger joined the first, and my spine arched more as I whimpered softly. "Ah, Grimmjow…"

A sharp intake of breath shocked me out of my daze, and I froze instantly. Turning my head to the right, I stared right back into another pair of eyes.

'_Grimmjow.'_

* * *

><p>Jesus, my cock rose to the occasion faster than shit.<p>

I'd heard the soft noises from downstairs. Cat ears are pretty sensitive. Coming up to investigate, my just-as-sensitive nose had picked up the smell. I'd known what he was doing before I came in. So what the fuck was I doing here?

His legs were up in the air; it was obvious what he was doing. His cheeks were so flushed, and he looked so damn sexy… Fuck, could he see the bulge in my pants? What the fuck was I thinking, wearing sweatpants…

This was fucking ridiculous. Here I stood, contemplating molesting my former enemy, and a kid that was fucking raped just a half a month ago… And he'd been staring at me for a couple of minutes now, at least. Was he gonna say anything? Should I just leave?

"Grimmjow."

His voice was soft, and slightly hoarse. Before I could respond, he kicked the blankets off and sat up. I couldn't keep my eyes from his exposed body, but I could feel his chocolate eyes on me still. They never left mine.

He turned so he was facing the opposite direction and fell to his elbows and knees, exposing his ass completely to me. Shifting, he straightened his arms, keeping his wrists together as if he was handcuffed. Cheek resting on the sheets of his bed, his eyes still remained on me. His lean chest heaved as he breathed heavily.

"Grimmjow… Fuck me…"

Holy fuck, my reaction was marvelous.

My body instantly broke out in a sweat. My hands tightened into fists. My eye twitched. My cock jumped, hardening completely. My mouth dropped open slightly. And the feral instinct in me kicked in. Fuck, he was fucking gorgeous.

* * *

><p>I hadn't quite planned to do what I'd just done. This was <em>not <em>the way I'd intended to tell him I was gay, or that I was attracted to him. But my instincts and arousal seemed to be overpowering my mind now. For the few seconds he hesitated, my mind swam. Would he laugh at me? Would he be disgusted? Would he leave as fast as he could?

… He came closer.

My breath escaped my aching lungs in a _whoosh_ as he came up, lingering behind me. His large, rough hands smoothed up from the small of my back to my shoulder blades, then back down my sides to my milky thighs. Goosebumps spread across my skin.

"Fuck, Ichigo."

It was possibly the first time he'd ever called me by my first name. Certainly the first time I could remember, unless he'd done it in battle and it slipped my mind now. A shudder coursed through my lithe body.

"… Ya asked fer it."

I felt him shift, and my mind went blank for a moment as I realized he was probably about to enter my body. Tensing, I shut my eyes tight. What I didn't expect to feel was something soft and warm circling the little pucker.

A soft whimper spilled from my lips as his hands came to my hips, holding them in place as his tongue pressed inside of me. I hardly recognized my shrill cry as pleasure erupted throughout my body. My toes curled to an almost painful extent.

The teasing pleasure didn't last long. Soon his tongue was gone and I heard the ruffle of clothing being removed.

'_Lubrication,' _I realized. _'Even with spit, it's probably going to hurt…'_

"Ichigo…" I could picture his grin. "Spread 'em for me."

My cheeks heated up as I spread my legs wider. "No no, not that," he murmured, reaching down to my hands. He moved them up to my thighs, and it clicked in my head. With a soft whimper, I spread my cheeks for him. "Yeahh…" His husky voice sent a shiver up my spine.

His soft tip pressed against the little pucker, and with little pressure, it slipped inside me. Losing my sanity, I pushed my hips back, enveloping more of his cock inside of me.

My world exploded in white. All I could feel was him inside me, his hands on my hips. All I could hear was my pounding heart and his groan of satisfaction. His reiatsu invaded my being, dripping with euphoria as it entangled with mine. His hands gripped my hips, erasing the stranger's hand marks as he pushed inside me to the hilt. His hips pressed against mine. My mouth was open in a silent moan of mixed pleasure and pain as I dropped my hand to grip the sheets tightly.

"Fuck, yer tight…"

My eyes fluttered open at his words, and I could feel him throbbing within me. Dying for him to move, I pressed back against him, shuddering at the feel of him inside me.

"You want it?" Nodding quickly, I could feel his grin on my back. "You got it."

The initial pain as he pulled out halfway was obliterated by the eruption of pleasure when he pushed back in. A strained groan escaped my lips as he thrusted in again, filling me with his length. He was so big…

Soon he'd set a rhythm, his hands pulling my hips back to meet each thrust. It was all I could do not to moan uncontrollably. Instead, I muffled my whimpers in the sheets, gripping them in both hands tightly.

"Yeah, ya like my cock in yer ass, don'cha." His hand slid up to grip my hair and pull. With a soft cry, my spine arched to lessen the pain as my eyes watered. "Ya like it?" Nodding quickly, I pressed back against him, moaning unintentionally.

"Yessss…"

He groaned softly, gripping my hips tighter as he thrusted harder. With his hands, he parted my thighs more, giving him more access. He thrusted in exceptionally hard.

Stars exploded before my eyes.

My moan was shrill, and loud. My back arched incredibly, and my muscles spasmed slightly. Lost in the wave of euphoria, I panted as Grimmjow pushed through the tightened ring of muscles, growling. "Fuck… There it is…" His head slammed into it again, and I shuddered violently, groaning into the mattress. My head spun at the intense pleasure.

"… Grimmjow…!"

"Yeh, moan fer me…"

His clawed fingers raked down my back, sure to leave welts, but my heightened senses registered the abuse as painfully delicious pleasure. Urging him on, I whimpered sharply, "Fuck me, Grimmjow… Ahh… God…!"

"That's right," he murmured huskily, gripping my hips and thrusting hard with each word. "I. Am. Your. God. Ichigo…"

The pleasure was too much. My forehead fell against the mattress as my mouth opened to utter a shrill scream at the initial peak, my body convulsing. Grimmjow's groan was feral as he forced his way through the tightening muscles. He buried himself to the hilt, hands gripping my hips perhaps hard enough to bruise as I came. The shudders of my body made me feel as if I was rattling to pieces. My mind was blank as I slumped slightly, sated.

"Oi, Ichi…"

Grimmjow pulled out and I whimpered at the loss, but his hands came around my body and pulled me up to sit on my knees on the bed. Looking up at him with flushed cheeks, I shivered lightly as his fingers threaded through my hair.

"Ya wanna taste?"

My eyes shifted to his nearly engorged cock. Lowering my head, my eyes slipped closed as I licked the tip. His fist immediately tightened in my hair.

"No fuckin' around, damnit…"

Smirking at his impatience, I took his head into my mouth and sucked softly, trying to imagine what would feel good on my own body. I was rewarded with a groan, and he thrusted into my mouth shallowly.

"Damn… Yeah, suck my cock…"

I sucked harder, bracing his hips with my hand so he wouldn't choke me as I took more into my mouth. His hand tightened in my hair again, almost to the point of unpleasant pain.

I wasn't ready for the first spurt, and some of it dripped down my chin. "Fuck, Ichiiigo…" I bobbed my head slowly, milking him and swallowing every drop. It was a bit salty, but still I found that I liked the taste. But what I enjoyed far more was his reaction.

His strong arms picked me up and took me to the center of the bed, where he laid me down amongst the many blankets and pillows. My heart thumped against my ribs as I slumped against him, spent. The sweaty essence of sex on him was heavenly. All was quiet as we laid together in silence, listening to my breathing slow.

"… Can I stay here t'night?"

Too exhausted to open my eyes, I nodded against his shoulder. Hastily, he slipped an arm under my body, slipping it around my shoulders and gripping just above my ribs lightly. My mind was swarming with thoughts, but I was too tired to comprehend them. Breathing in his scent, I allowed the darkness to seep into my mind, rendering me unconscious.

* * *

><p>"ICHIGOOO!"<p>

Jolting awake, I sat up quickly, pulling up a blanket to cover myself. In full panic mode, I looked at the door. If my dad came in, he would see that Grimmjow slept in my bed!

… '_He isn't here.'_

The bed next to me was empty. The sheets were ruffled. Placing a hand on the mattress, I sighed. It was cold. He had left awhile ago.

'_Just to make sure my dad didn't find out… Right?'_

"SONNN! BREAKFAST IS READYYY!"

Running a hand through my ginger hair, I looked around. No sign of the absent Arrancar. I untangled myself from the sheets and stumbled to the bathroom, grabbing random clothes out of my drawer on the way.

My hair was a mess. Desperately trying to pat it down, I ignored my father's screams from downstairs. The clothes I had picked out were a pair of black sweatpants and a green t-shirt. Wriggling into the pants, I looked at myself in the mirror.

"Aww, damnit."

There _were_ bruises on my hips. Gingerly pulling the waistband of the sweats around the skin, I wrinkled my nose. For some reason, the thought didn't disturb me as it did before. _'Probably 'cause I actually wanted it this time.' _I pulled the shirt over my head and turned around, leaving my hair be as I hurried down the stairs.

"Nii-san!" Yuzu greeted me cheerfully. "Your pancakes are on the counter."

"Thanks Yu," I murmured, grabbing the plate and heading back to the table. I winced at my dad's skimpy choice of bare chest and short jogging shorts.

"Ichigo, why didn't you tell us your friend was staying?"

Raising my eyes to my dad, I stared in mid-bite. "… What?"

He grinned. "I was just coming home this morning when I saw a strange blue-haired man stealing food from our fridge! When I asked him what he was doing, he told me he was your friend and you were letting him stay at our house for awhile!"

Putting my fork down, I looked down at my plate. "Um… Sorry dad, I didn't think–"

"Nonsense! Any friend of my son's is welcome here! We've been talking all morning! Come sit with us, Grimmjow!"

I watched as the Arrancar strolled into the dining room, wearing a pair of tight pajama pants that were baggy on me and a tanktop. He met my widened eyes.

And grinned.

* * *

><p>Breakfast was just horrid. Between Yuzu's excited chatter, Karin's morose attitude, my dad's obnoxious outbursts and Grimmjow's subtle wicked glances, I was ready to rip my hair out of my head by the time it was over.<p>

"Ichigooo! You'll be late for school if you don't hurry!" my dad bellowed from downstairs. Grimmjow leaned against my door, arms crossed as he watched me dress. My cheeks reddened a bit but I didn't hesitate long; it was no longer anything he'd never seen before.

"Sorry," he murmured. Upon receiving my questioning glance, he shrugged. "'Bout the bruises. On yer hips."

"Oh." I buttoned up my white shirt. "Are you going to stay here…?"

He blinked. "I guess."

The Arrancar's eyes remained on me as I bent to pick up my schoolbag. "By the way, how did my dad not recognize you from the news?"

Grimmjow smirked. "Told him tha' guy's my brother."

I stared at him incredulously. "And he believed you?"

His smirk grew wider. "Yep. Told him I been on the run 'cause people think I'm him. An' I said I had'ta leave my apartment an' I needed somewhere ta stay."

I snorted, moving past him. "That man is so gullible." My hand was resting on the doorknob when he spoke.

"Ichigo… Wait."

Stopping, I turned back to him. He was closer than I expected. The proximity made the hairs on the back of my neck raise. I could see the flecks of darker blue in his aqua eyes.

And then his lips captured mine.

All coherent thought left my head, except one; that this was our first kiss. Our lips had never touched last night, despite all that had happened. His kiss was anything but gentle; though it lacked sentimental content, it was passionate nonetheless and sent tingles all the way down to my toes. My nose was filled with his musky scent, and it felt as if my soul was filling with his essence. His reiatsu swarming around me; I could feel it drifting in a circle around my body, brushing my skin through my clothing.

It ended far too soon. My chest ached slightly when he pulled back, raising a hand to touch my cheek with a thumb, caressing it for a moment. His breath was sweet on my cheek. "Ya've got no idea how long I wanted ta do that, berry."

Before I could protest his pet name, my dad yelled again from the foot of the stairs. "IS YOUR FRIEND COMING WITH YOU?"

Unable to pull my eyes from Grimmjow's, I remained silent, transfixed. The blue-haired Arrancar raised his head slightly to look at the halfway open door.

"… Nah, 'm not comin'. Ichi'll be down in a sec."

Isshin fell silent, and Grimmjow's eyes lowered to mine again. "Get goin'. Ya don't wanna be late." His grin was taunting.

* * *

><p>"Kurosaki-kun!"<p>

Blinking, I looked down at Orihime as she approached me. Her hairpins were tucked securely into her ginger locks. "How are you?"

With a flustered sigh, I realized I hadn't told her, but she'd probably heard about the incident. "… I'm fine. Orihime, does, ah... Does the whole school know?"

She shrugged. "I don't think _everybody _knows. Besides, it wasn't your fault, so everyone feels sorry for you."

The bell rang, and we walked down the hall slowly. "Where's Uryuu? And Sado?"

She turned her gray eyes on me, a rather mischievous look in them. My eyes widened. "… Orihime?" She giggled.

"Don't look at me like that, Ichigo. You didn't think they would?"

Sighing in exasperation, I stopped by my classroom door, scratching the back of my head. "Uh, well, I gotta go. See you at lunch."

"Mn." She hurried off, and I turned to go to my desk.

Class seemed to attract my attention even less than usual today. My mind was in a completely different place, thinking about Grimmjow. About the previous night.

'_What the hell are you doing, Ichigo? Getting into something with Grimmjow… This is just unfathomable.'_ A soft sigh escaped my body as the teacher droned on about algebra. The other side of my mind argued. _'He seems different. I'm different now. I'm not a shinigami. He's not really an Espada. We aren't enemies. Maybe…' _

"Take out your books and read chapter eight. Pages seventy-six to ninety-four."

Absentmindedly pulling my book from my schoolbag, I set in on my desk. _'Why does this have to be logical…?'_ I turned to the right page. _'Maybe I should just stop trying to figure it out. Maybe I just need to accept it.'_ Lowering my eyes to the page, I tried to focus on the words. But all I could see were his blue eyes._ 'He saved me. He saved my life, and most of my innocence.' _The other voice whispered in the back of my head. _'And then he took it from you.'_ Resting my chin in my hand, I gazed around the classroom. _'I asked for it. And I wanted him to. He was the only one I wanted to take it…' _

Something cracked in my brain.

'… _Am I in love with him?'_

My face felt flushed, but I passed it off for embarrassment at my own thoughts. My head spun, but I ignored the dizziness; it was just from the realization of my true feelings.

"Kurosaki-kun?"

I turned to look at Tatsuki in the seat beside me. My eyes seemed to move in slow motion. Were her features always so blurry?

"Are you alright? You don't look good," she murmured, eyes concerned.

I shook my head, the movement only increasing the dizziness enveloping my mind. "I… I'm fine, I…" Something was wrong. Blackness was closing in on my mind. I gripped the desk in an attempt to chase it away. It only came on in a stronger wave.

"Ichigo?"

I fell. Hit the ground hard. Someone – a girl – screamed. Yelling. Cool hands on my flushed skin. Then all went dark.


	3. Chapter 3

**Like a Moth to the Flame**

Written by _Illuminate the Shadows_

Chapter Three

_3,892 words _

* * *

><p>I fucking hate hospitals.<p>

Here I am again, standing in the waiting room, impatiently doing what the room was intended for. My system was flooded with concern – something I really hadn't dealt with since… Well, since before I can remember. I had never been concerned for any of the Arrancar in Hueco Mundo. And they were never concerned for me.

Fuck, this was a big change. Caring about someone, and looking into their chocolate eyes and seeing that they care just as much – if not much more.

Fucking kid had done something else to himself. From all I knew, he was just in class and had passed out. He was with a doctor now, getting checked out. I was managing to stay sane by convincing myself he had just gotten overheated or something.

Look at me, fucking worried out of my mind for some little human teenager. He didn't have any effect on me. If I acted how I usually did, he wouldn't mean shit to me.

… But he did.

Finally, the nurse came out and got me. I was wearing a long overcoat, a hat to hide my vibrant hair, and sunglasses to disguise myself._ 'Yeah, that's all he needs. Fer me ta get arrested.'_ Smirking, I followed her through a maze of halls similar to Las Noches before she opened a door. To my surprise, Ichigo was sitting on the stretcher; legs dangling off the edge and toes just barely suspended above the ground. He looked perfectly fine. Once he saw me, he attempted a weak smile. I stepped inside.

"What's wrong with 'im?"

The doctor cleared his throat. "Well, he appears perfectly healthy. No physical problems. His body temperature is a tad high. I, ah," he cleared his throat again; "I understand you were the victim of a rape? It happened only a few weeks ago?"

I winced. He was fuckin' sensitive about that.

The ginger nodded, looking down at my feet. The doctor set his clipboard down on the counter. "That could be the issue here. That is a traumatic event, Ichigo. It can cause all kinds of effects." The teen nodded, raising his head.

"What should I do?" His voice was meek.

"Go home and rest. You might want to consider some therapy. But just relax. Take some time off from school. Try to live as stress-free as you can. These wounds take longer to heal than the physical ones."

Ichigo nodded again and stood up. He muttered a goodbye, and then moved past me, raising chocolate eyes to meet mine.

He was scared.

… I've gotta do anything to fuckin' make his world okay again.

* * *

><p>It was raining again. The droplets created a soft, steady rhythm of pitter-patter against the windowpane. It was a dreary night; one that would have been terribly lonely had Grimmjow not been there. The twins – who seemed to have more obligations than regular adults – were working on a project at a friend's house. Dad was at work again, for the whole night. And I was sitting on the couch downstairs, leaning against the Arrancar's shoulder as I dozed off. The television was playing an old movie. Grimmjow's steady breathing was soothing.<p>

It had been five days since the hospital. I'd only gone to school for one day. I'd attended one therapy session. And Grimmjow and I had spent so much time together in the past few days.

It was like getting to know a different person. Sure, he was still the same rude, sarcastic individual. He was still brash. He still loved fighting, and blood. But there was another side of him. A side that I needed in this time of vulnerability.

As wrong and unbelievable as it was, I was falling for him.

It was late when he roused me from my sleep. "Ichi," he murmured, his voice low and husky from his own slumber. Groggily, I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I felt him next to me. My throat itched. I cleared it.

One little cough escalated into hacking violently. Somehow, I managed to stumble to the bathroom and grab a towel. The coughs began to subside. Removing the cloth from my lips, I raised my eyes to him. He stood in the doorway, gazing at me worriedly. His eyes lowered. I followed his shocked gaze.

There was blood staining the white cloth.

"… That's it. You're going back to the ER."

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I shook my head, setting the towel on the counter, next to the sink. "N-No… Urahara's shop."

* * *

><p>"Ichigo! What a pleasant surprise."<p>

The eccentric man stood within the racks of candy, a lollipop in his mouth and no shoes on his bare feet. His robe was halfway untied. Altogether, he looked like he'd gotten straight out of bed and went to eat some sweets.

"Hi Urahara."

His eyes sifted over my shoulder, and his grin fell. Taking the sucker from his mouth, he spoke quietly.

"Ichigo, you are aware that there is an Arrancar behind you?"

With a soft sigh, I nodded. The blue-haired man stepped up beside me, hands stuffed in the pockets of his baggy cargo pants. Urahara's lollipop went in the trash, and he came closer.

"So _you're _the reiatsu I've been sensing for the past few weeks." The shop owner chuckled softly, and then became serious again. "A true Arrancar, who survived the war and was not captured by Seireitei?"

"An Espada," I murmured, correcting him. His eyes grew slightly wider, and he stepped closer still.

"An Espada, still alive? Astonishing. What rank?"

"Sexta," Grimmjow murmured, regarding the man with his deep blue eyes. The corners of Urahara's lips turned up again.

"Indeed." His gaze returned to mine. "And did you come here about that?"

"No." Grimmjow finally stepped forward, taking his large hands from his pockets. "We need ya ta look at Ichigo."

Urahara glanced at the Espada, and then back to me, addressing me directly. "What seems to be the problem?" I sighed, a bit dismayed, but the man continued before I could speak. "Let's go into my back room, shall we?"

"Breathe now, deep breath."

I inhaled slowly, suppressing a shiver at his cold hands on my bare chest. I could feel him examining my reiatsu. "Another." He moved his hands up slightly and I took another deep breath. It came out in a whoosh. Urahara sighed, pulling back. I gaze up at him questioningly.

"And you said you've been coughing up blood?"

I nodded. "Only twice."

His eyes met mind. "The doctor told you nothing was wrong, hm?" I nodded wordlessly. "That is because this is a matter of your reiatsu."

"What's wrong with it?"

He sat down beside me. "Well, your shinigami powers were lost when you maximized them, yes?" I nodded in agreement. "And your reiatsu has been dwindling."

I turned my head to look at him. "… Does that mean I won't be able to see spirits?"

He sighed. "I don't know, Ichigo. These things are quite unpredictable. What I do know is… The harm your reiatsu has sustained combined with the lasting effects of using a Zanpakuto and being submerged in the spirit world has damaged your human body. Perhaps beyond repair." His expression was troubled.

Frightened by what that could mean, I tried to swallow the lump in my throat and question him. "… Damage? What does that mean?"

He shook his head. "Honestly, I would tell you if I knew for sure. It could just mean you lose your ability to see us. You might go blind. You might…" He stopped, and I stared at him with wide eyes. He quickly changed the attitude of the conversation. "… I can try to come up with something to counteract it. But I'll need to monitor you daily. You can stay here."

I played with the golden band on my finger nervously. "I'm not sure if that's a good idea. My dad might not like it."

Urahara shook his head. "I'll talk to him. I'll tell him I'm home schooling you while you stay inside and relax."

"… Can Grimmjow stay here too?"

The retired shinigami glanced at me warily. "Be careful, Ichigo. He's still an Espada, Aizen or no Aizen. The war might be over, but grudges may be held."

I smiled weakly. "He saved me, Urahara. He's not out enemy anymore."

The blonde man sighed. "Alright. Just try not to cause too much trouble, okay?" He paused. "You do know I only have one spare bedroom, yes?"

I smiled, looking down. "That won't be a problem."

* * *

><p>… It was a problem.<p>

"C'mon Ichi…"

His breath was hot on my neck. That, combined with the huskiness of his voice, caused me to shiver. I felt his hand tracing down my side, following the curve of my hip.

"Grimmjow," my voice was a hushed whisper, "Urahara is here, you know. In the next room, for God's sake!"

I felt his smirk against my neck. "I'll just havta cover yer mouth then." Before I could think of a witty remark, his needle-sharp teeth scraped along the sensitive skin just below my ear. My spine arched without my brain's permission, and I gripped his wrist in warning.

"Nnngh, Grimmjow…" He licked the bite mark, suckling it. "Ssss-stop it…"

"Nah, ya like it," he murmured, his hand wandering up my ribcage and bringing my shirt with it. "Ya like when I touch ya." I shuddered.

He was fucking right.

He rolled me onto my back then pulled me up to sit before him, my shirt coming over my head. I watched him curiously as he ran his large, rough hands over my lithe chest. His touch sent little shivers up my spine.

"… Yer skin is so soft."

His voice was but a murmur, but there was more feeling than I could comprehend within the tone. He raised his eyes to mine, and I could see my own emotions reflected in the blue orbs.

'_He's falling for me too,' _I realized dimly. His hand came up to trace my jawline. _'This is insane. A being like Grimmjow, loving? Madness…' _His eyes were now following his own motions as his fingers trailed over to my lips. His thumb smoothed over my lower lip.

"Can I make love ta ya, berry?"

Suddenly, everything had changed. He was different. I was different.

… We were in love.

The night didn't last long enough. Forever couldn't have lasted long enough.

We explored each others' bodies, learning every curve, every muscle, every sensitive spot. Everything was so much more gentle. More passionate. He kissed down my chest to my abdomen, breath flittering against my bellybutton, and I shivered. His hands roamed my body. My fingers traced his muscled chest. His lips pressed against my ankle. Not an inch of skin was virgin to only one of us by the time he came up to look into my eyes.

Russet met sapphire.

His lips met mine.

His kiss was anything but familiar, yet it seemed rehearsed. He tilted his head one way, I the other. His hands came up to cup my face. My arms looped around his neck. My lips parted mere seconds before he languidly tangled his tongue with mine in an erotic dance. My body was on fire, my skin scorching.

I could nearly feel the desire radiating off of him in waves as he moved down to my jaw, lips pressing against my skin in a chaste kiss._ 'Where did this Grimmjow come from?'_ His hand came to rest at my hip, the other holding him up so he hovered above me.

"Ichigo?"

My only response was to bring my hand to the back of his head, fingers tangling in his hair. My eyes were closed in bliss. He spoke again, hot breath tickling my skin.

"Don'tcha try ta act all innocent, berry. I can practically smell the arousal comin' offa ya," he murmured huskily. His words and tone sent a jolt of lust straight down to my lower tummy, where lust pooled quickly.

"Well? D'ya want me?"

He raised his head and I opened my eyes to meet his, gazing at him through hooded lashes.

"… I want you."

His corners of his lips turned upwards, and his hands lifted my calves. My legs rested on his shoulders as his eyes met mine again. His slippery tip rubbed against my entrance. I shuddered at the tease. Wordlessly, he pressed into me.

It was like we were two puzzle pieces, meant to fit perfectly together. His large length filled me completely; not too much, but certainly enough. My fists clenched in the sheets on either side of my head as he hilted inside me, hips pressed against mine. His breath was heavy, but his eyes remained on me. Although mine had narrowed, I managed to maintain eye contact. It was the most intimate moment I'd ever shared with anyone; watching the change in his eyes as his blue gaze reflected my own face.

"Damn, Ichi…" He leaned down to plant a soft kiss on my cheek, hands holding my thighs as he pulled out. My wince was quickly chased away by the euphoria he created within me when he thrusted back in. He held himself up with one hand, the other tracing my hip as he repeated the motion, lips on mine.

… We made love.

It was slow. It was intimate. It was the connection we had while we looked into each other's eyes. It was the feel of our bodies against each other, moving together in harmony, as one. It was our lips passionately molding together in a dance of tongues, moving languidly as he continued to move within me.

Best of all, it was a climax that we reached together, in unison, softly crying out each other's names, his low murmur into my shoulder and my shrill whine into his hair.

It was my whisper against his chest as we came down from our high;

"Love you…"

Azure, once again, met chocolate. "You too, kid."

It was love.

* * *

><p>"Boooooys!" A series of knocks jarred me from my peaceful slumber. "Breakfast is ready!"<p>

Sunlight was drifting in through the slightly drawn curtains, creating a golden patch across out legs, which were tangled together under the sheets. I raised my head from his warm, bare shoulder, blinking tired eyes to look around. All was quiet, and tranquil.

My eyes lowered to the man beside me. He was lying on his back, one arm behind his head and the other around my shoulders. His body was bare, but the blanket covered from his waist down. His blue hair was tousled; it was getting longer. His eyebrows were furrowed slightly.

Smiling, I touched his shoulder, shaking him gently. "Grimmjow, wake up…" He stirred slightly. Leaning down, I whispered into his ear. "Wake up, blueberry."

His azure eyes opened halfway, and he gazed at me drowsily. "I resent that."

Laughing softly, I watched as he stretched luxuriously, and then hugged me against his body. "I haven't slept in months. Felt good." His lips pressed to my temple. "Whatta 'bout you? Did ya sleep good?"

I nodded, my eyes closed as I breathed in his delicious scent. He smirked. "I smell like you, ya know."

"I smell pretty good, then."

He grinned as I sat up, arching my back in a much needed stretch. "Did hat-'n-clogs really make us breakfast?"

"I guess so." I threw the covers off of my body, locating my jeans and wriggling them up onto my hips quickly.

"Nice ass."

Turning around, I threw my shirt at him. He caught it, grinning. "Pervert," I muttered, grabbing his shirt and pulling it over my head.

"Hey, I can't fit inta yer shirt," he protested. I smirked.

"Then go shirtless."

He pushed the covers off of his body. "As you wish." He stood up, and picked his pants off of the floor, but instead of putting them on, he sauntered toward the joint bathroom door.

"Grimmjow…!" I gasped, although I was unable to turn away from his bare body. He threw a smirk over his shoulder.

"Go eat somethin'. I'll be there in a sec."

* * *

><p>"Breathe, Ichigo. Just breathe."<p>

I watched helplessly as the orange-haired teen coughed violently in the towel Urahara had brought him. The retired shinigami kneeled beside him, hands on his shoulders. The kid was wheezing. I wasn't a doctor or nothin', but he didn't sound fuckin' good at all.

"Here, drink this."

Ichigo gripped the glass of water and took a sip. I caught a glimpse of the towel Urahara now held. There was more blood than last time. Urahara raised a hand to Ichigo's shoulder, gently pushing him away from the water. "Wait." Ichigo raised chocolate eyes to look at the man.

… There was blood on his lips, staining them a darker crimson.

"Ichigo…"

The whisper was out of my lips before I realized it. Then teen's eyes shifted to me as Urahara wiped his mouth clean of the blood. I moved closer, and he folded into my arms. His frail body was trembling.

My eyes rose to Urahara, my gaze possibly full of guilt, but I really didn't care. "What's wrong with 'im…"

The grayish eyes before me were full of angst. "… He's sick."

"Well obviously he's fuckin' sick!" The teen shifted in my arms, distracting me from my outburst. I looked down, meeting his chocolate eyes. They were pained.

"Ya'lright, Ichi?"

He winced slightly. "… It hurts…"

"… What hurts?" I murmured, pulling back slightly. Urahara stared. Ichigo raised a hand to his torso.

"… My chest…" His hand was right above his heart.

Urahara's eyes widened. "… Pick him up. Carefully." I did as he said, panicked by the alarm in his tone. The teen leaned into my body as I gathered him in my arms. "Bring him here." I followed the man through a hall, gazing down at the pale boy. An unfamiliar stinging burned behind my eyes.

"… Ichigo…"

His eyes fluttered open. He gazed at me for a moment before smiling weakly. A smooth hand touched my cheek gently.

"Don't cry… I'll be okay."

It was then when I felt the wetness on my face.

* * *

><p>"Ow."<p>

The needle broke my skin, pushing into my arm. Urahara taped it down, and then went to the machine beside my bed. I saw fluids moving through the tube and into my body via the IV.

"Water, to keep you hydrated," he murmured, his attempted smile fake. I watched him as he sat down at the foot of my bed.

"Am I gonna be okay?" He raised his head, smiling faintly. He opened his mouth. I cut him off. "Don't lie to me, Urahara."

His smile fell, and he gazed at me with saddened eyes. "… I don't think so, Ichigo. Your body is giving out. There's… Not really much I can do."

My eyes fell to look at the sheets covering my body. "… Did you call my dad?" He nodded.

"He's on his way. I assured him I was a doctor. I think he's going to let you stay here."

My stomach turned unexpectedly, and I winced. Urahara recognized my expression, and grabbed a bucket. I heaved my stomach's contents into it.

"You're okay," he murmured, removing the bucket once I was finished. I'd glanced inside before he took it. There were flecks of blood. "You need to rest."

"… Where's Grimmjow?"

Urahara set the bucket down. "I sent him to get some supplies." My eyes were questioning, and he continued. "I don't really need anything. I just wanted to get him out of here. He's going to worry himself sick over you."

I lowered my head. Urahara sat down in a chair next to my bed. "How did this even come about? You and him?"

I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck with the arm opposite the one with the needle in it. "Well… About three months ago, I was attacked by these guys coming out of a bar… They, they raped me… Or started to, but Grimmjow, he… He saved me." I raised my eyes to the former captain. "He killed them, and now he has a warrant out for his arrest. He was staying at my house… I guess it just… Happened."

Urahara smiled. "How ironic. Former enemies becoming lovers. How many times have I read that in a fairy tale?" I smiled at his words. He glanced toward the door. "He's back. You can talk to him for awhile, but please, for your own sake, try to get some rest. Recuperate. Sleep, Ichigo." He stood, and moved toward the door. Grimmjow was there.

"Is he okay?" I heard his worried voice. I saw the back of Urahara's head nod, and he replied, saying something about sleep, then left. Suddenly Grimmjow was beside my bed.

"How ya feelin'?"

I sat up straighter, smiling a bit. "I'm fine, just sleepy."

He touched my hand, and I held tight to his fingers. "Rest. I ain't goin' nowhere, I promise."

I smiled faintly, closing my eyes and resting my head back against the pillow. My mind succumbed to the darkness quickly.


	4. Chapter 4

**Like a Moth to the Flame**

Written by _Illuminate the Shadows_

Chapter Four

_3,986 words_

* * *

><p>The warm, crisp air was delightful. Sunlight filtered through the pink cherry blossoms on the trees that lined the path. It was surprisingly pleasant for the middle of spring.<p>

Urahara had finally let me get out of the shop. It was one of my better days; my body wasn't restricted by fever or bouts of coughing and nausea. Grimmjow had taken me to the park. We walked, slowly – my body was still weak – down the cobblestone trail. His fingers were intertwined with mine. He glared daggers at anyone who gave us rude or strange looks.

"Tell me if ya start feelin' funny," he murmured softly.

"I'm fine."

He turned his head to look at me, eyes serene. "D'ya feel up fer dinner t'night? I wanna take ya somewhere nice."

I smiled up at him. "You'll have to be in disguise…" He shrugged, and I laughed softly. "Sure, I'll try to be hungry enough."

He smiled; a genuine grin that I didn't see often. It was marvelous. "C'mon." He stepped off of the path, and I followed him down the green hill. We were nearing the edge of the park. "Watch yer step," he murmured, picking his feet up over tree roots curling out of the ground. I held tight to his hand, stepping over them. We squeezed through two thick tree trunks.

There was a little stream, trickling over rocks of every shade of gray. The grass here was greener than in the park. It was beautiful.

"I used ta come here, ta think," he said, his gaze on me. I let go of his hand to move closer to the stream, resting my hand on a small tree trunk. The water was crystal clear.

"It's so pretty."

I felt his arm slip around my small waist, and he held my back tight against his body. I closed my eyes and relished in his warmth.

"I wish everything could just stay like this."

Grimmjow was quiet for a moment, and the stream and chirping birds were the only sound. "Nothin's gonna change, Ichi."

I shook my head, turning halfway in his arms to look at him. "I'm dying, Grimmjow."

His eyes held enough pain to break my heart. "I won't let'cha." He leaned forward, kissing my cheek softly, where a tear had traced down. "Ya can't leave me now. I love ya."

Two more tears trailed down my cheeks._ 'He loves me…' _Leaning into his body, I took comfort in his warmth. Everything was spiraling downward. Just when I finally had all I could ever want and need…

"Berry?"

His hand came to the back of my head as he held me to him. "… What…"

I felt his heartbeat against my cheek. "… Ya do know that ya have another life left, after this one…" His voice was soft.

"… I wouldn't remember you."

He sighed softly. "I know."

All was quiet again, save for the birds and my soft sobs.

* * *

><p>"Two glasses of Moscato d'Asti, please."<p>

The waited glanced at the boy, and then narrowed his eyes at me suspiciously. "Is he of age, sir?" His heavy accent was hard to understand.

I smirked, raising a hand to make our conversation 'secret'. "Well, his birthday's tomorrow, but I wanted ta celebrate tonight. I'm sure ya can make one exception." Slipping a fifty along the table, I watched his face. He hesitated, and then swiftly took the bill.

"Very well, sir." And with that, he hurried away to the kitchen. The orange-haired teen's cheeks were flushed.

"Grimmjow, I can't drink…"

I smirked. He was so damn cute when he blushed. "We're here, an' I'm buyin' ya a drink, so yer gonna have some," I murmured, watching the waiter set our glasses down. He poured us each a few inches or so of the clear liquid, and I took a sip. "Mm, damn that's good shit. Try it."

The boy reached out to pick up the glass, raising it to his lips and taking a small sip. He winced. I blinked. "Bad?"

He shook his head, setting it down. "No, just… It was stronger than I expected." I nodded and took another swallow, smiling faintly. He gazed at me. "How did you afford this, Grimmjow?"

"I did a lot'a odd jobs, 'member? No real need ta eat, no rent fer a place ta stay, an' money piles up."

He blinked. "Oh. Yeah, I guess." Looking at the chandelier dangling from the ceiling rather absentmindedly, he took another sip of the white wine. The waiter returned.

"Ya know, I think we'll just have the most expensive thing on the menu." I looked at the teen. "Ya like pasta, right?" He nodded, wide-eyed, and I handed the man the menus. "Yep."

"Right away, sir."

"… Grimmjow, I can't believe you're doing this."

I couldn't hide the smile on my face. "I can't spoil ya, just this once?"

He sighed, taking another sip of his wine. "I guess there's no stopping you now."

My grin stretched across my face. "Nope."

A motherly looking brunette caught my attention. She was whispering to the waiter and pointing at me. _'Am I that fuckin' sexy?'_ I smirked at the conceited thought, watched the waiter turn to look at me too. He moved away from the woman and into the kitchen.

"Grimmjow?" The kid drew my attention, and I looked at him again. "Thank you, for doing this…" he murmured.

A small smile graced my lips. "Nah, it's nothin'. Ya deserve a night out."

…

It all happened so fast. Our food had just arrived. The pasta was delicious. Ichigo smiled at me. Everything was perfect.

Then it all went to shit.

The front doors to the restaurant opened. People gasped in alarm. Pistols. Shouting; "Clear the building!" People ran. I grabbed Ichigo's hand.

Fighting my way through the crowd of terrified people, I pushed my way back into the kitchen. A small pantry. It was empty. Gently, I shoved Ichigo inside and shut the door tight behind me. The light was dim.

"Grimmjow…" His chocolate eyes were scared. I took his shoulders in my hands.

"It's gonna be okay." I knew I couldn't sonido him outta there; it could do unknown damage to his already weak body. "They won't hurt you." Someone shouted, from inside the kitchen.

"But they'll hurt _you_," he replied, his voice a shrill whisper. "You have to get out of here." He swallowed. "Go back to Hueco Mundo. It's the only place you can't be found…"

I nodded, after a moment's hesitation. "… Yeah. Yeah, Hueco Mundo." I gazed at him. "… Ichi, stay in here 'til they go away. Then go to Urahara's." He looked like a frightened deer caught in headlights. I took him in my arms tightly. "Yer gonna be fine. I won't be gone very long. Just 'til the action dies down." He shook slightly in my embrace. I pulled back, pressing my lips to his temple for a sentimental moment.

"Be careful…" His voice was small.

I nodded. "Love ya."

He was gone in the blink of an eye.

* * *

><p>It took a long time for the men to give up their search. They must have been convinced he was inside; I didn't blame them. How could he have gotten past them? He hadn't.<p>

I stood there forever, eventually sinking down the wall to sit in the darkness. Trembling. Waiting. Listening to my own heartbeat.

When it had been quiet for awhile – I really had no way of determining how long – I moved to press my ear flat against the oak. My harsh breathing was the only sound. With a shaking hand, I reached up to grip the doorknob. Inch by tantalizing inch, I turned it.

All was quiet, and dark. I breathed a sigh of relief – which broke into a series of coughs. I covered my mouth with my hand. It felt wet. I wiped it on my pant leg as the coughing subsided, glancing around the dim kitchen nervously. Nothing. _'They must have moved the search somewhere else.'_ Standing, I used the wall to support my weight as I stretched the cramped, aching muscles of my calves and thighs. The refrigerator hummed across the tile.

All the doors were locked, so I managed to find a window and climb out of it, dropping the few feet to land safely in the alley below. The window would have to stay open because I couldn't reach it now. _'Hopefully they'll just think they left it open on accident.'_ I wandered to the mouth of the alleyway, glancing left and right. Only a few people.

Walking down the darkened streets at such a late hour reminded me of that painful memory. Paranoid, I kept looking over my shoulder. I repeatedly crossed the deserted street to avoid passing by strangers. Finally, relief washed over me in such an intense wave that I nearly cried.

Urahara's shop was within sight.

I ran. I ran to the door. I pulled it open. But arms caught me, and held me close. Exhausted, my body slumped against the stronger one as sobs wracked my body. He smelt of licorice taffy.

"Shh, Ichigo. You're alright," Urahara murmured against my hair. "He's okay too. He left his gigai here, so the police could find a body. I put it by the restaurant you were at."

My eyes opened and I shuddered. _'I was possibly feet away from his broken, bleeding body…'_ Tears streamed down my cheeks, and Urahara's soft hands lifted my face so I looked up at him. "Ichigo, Ichigo… Calm down. Grimmjow is completely fine. He went to Hueco Mundo. The police, did they see you?"

I shook my head. "No… That's why I'm so late. I waited…" The shop owner nodded.

"Good. Now, come lay down. Your body is very weak." As if his words triggered my fatigue, my body swayed, and my knees nearly buckled. I felt his arms slip underneath me, and he lifted me up into his embrace. "Sleep, Ichigo. You'll be okay." Happy to oblige the waiting darkness, I rested my heavy head against his shoulder.

* * *

><p>It hurt.<p>

My body began to physically hurt. My chest constricted, my muscles ached after completing a task as simple as walking from my bedroom to breakfast. I watched Urahara work furiously to find a way to restore my reiatsu. We watched the sunset after dinner. It crossed my mind every night that each one could be the last sunset I saw.

Urahara and I talked. About the possibilities. _"The best possible outcome is a Shinigami purifying your soul, and you going to Seireitei,"_ he'd said. Of course, I knew this. _"But if you are eaten by a hollow and go to Hueco Mundo…"_ He had stopped there. I knew what could happen. _"And I wouldn't remember anyone, or anything from this life."_ Urahara had looked so unhappy.

The police found the body Urahara had placed. We watched the reports on the news. With only one stab wound to the heart and no murder weapon, the authorities had to come to the conclusion of a suicide. It had been almost a month. I begged Urahara to send someone to Hueco Mundo to retrieve Grimmjow. He gently rejected my pleas.

"There's no one to send. Even if there were, it's too much of a risk. You know that, Ichigo." Tired, I leaned back against the pillow. "He'll come back soon, I promise. Once he sees the action has died down, he'll come back."

Sometimes breathing was difficult. My lungs felt already full, and I couldn't inhale deeply enough. Urahara put a mask over my mouth and nose, to help me breathe. How he had obtained all these professional objects was beyond me. He even had a machine identical to the ones used to monitor heart rate in hospitals.

My dad came to visit often. Usually every other day. Yuzu stopped by every day after school, accompanied by Karin when she didn't have soccer practice. They'd sit and talk to me if I was having one of my worse days and Urahara had restricted me to my bed. But if I could move around, we went outside, or even on short walks. I knew they could see me deteriorating. I tried not to cough in front of them, or act fragile. They didn't need to know how much pain I was in.

I was dying. I had accepted it peacefully. I wasn't really afraid of death; not after I had been submerged in the afterlife for the past two years of my teenage life. What I was afraid of was dying before Grimmjow returned. I wanted to see him again; I _needed_ to see him again. If it was the last thing I did in this life, I wanted to look into his sky blue eyes and tell him I loved him. It meant everything to me.

Some days I felt like I could just lie down, close my eyes, and slip off into that afterlife. During those bouts of weakness and pain, I thought of him. He was the only thing that pushed me through the ache; through the adversity. I wanted to see him so bad that I forced myself to eat, to get up in the morning.

I _would not _let my grip on life loosen until I saw him again.

It was a cool spring afternoon when it happened. The shop owner and I were sitting in his main room. He had made us mint tea that I was sipping slowly. It helped soothe my coughs. He was reading the magazine, leaning back against the table.

Something dark caught my eye. I raised my head, and my eyes widened. Startled, I watched a black butterfly flutter in through the open window. The maroon outlining its lower wings shone slightly in the sunlight. Its wings carried it closer to us.

"Jigokuchou…" The whisper spilt from his lips as he stood up. He held out a hand to the small creature, and it landed gracefully on his wrist. Awed, I watched intently. After a moment, he smiled at me.

"He's coming back."

* * *

><p>Seireitei was almost completely rebuilt. It had been damaged during the war. It was beautiful, and almost exactly how I remembered it. I realized I had missed it dearly. The only difference was the absence of my white-haired mentor and former captain. '<em>Jyuushiro, rest in peace,' <em>I thought serenely as we passed the 13th Division.

The shinigami had invaded Hueco Mundo again and captured many Arrancar. Grimmjow was among them. After convincing them he was an ally, a Hell Butterfly had been sent to confirm. Urahara grudgingly let me come along, after a good amount of begging.

When he was finally within my sight, my mind was blank. There was nothing but him. Only him. I couldn't run, but I walked as fast as my legs would carry me as he pushed past the guards to get to me. Urahara explained to Yamamoto-soutaichou as we reunited. Grimmjow picked me up gingerly, hugging me as tightly as he dared. My arms came tightly around his neck as I returned his embrace, heart beating erratically.

"Ichigo," he whispered into my hair. "My Ichigo…"

Tears threatened to spill down my cheeks as he held me tight. I couldn't find the words to speak. His eyes assured me that words weren't needed. Everything was alright now.

"Ichigo, come," Urahara murmured. Grimmjow released me so I could look at the former captain. "Grimmjow, you can join us. We're going to meet Mayuri."

"So, his reiatsu is draining, simply because his time in the spirit world has damaged his human body. His body is ever further weakened by the lack of reiatsu. It's a neverending spiral," the captain stated. I pressed my palms down onto the metal table beneath me, almost positive there was a 'but' on the tip of his tongue. "Neverending, that is, unless you recover your reiatsu. To do that, your body would need to be well. You're dying; you know that." I nodded. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Grimmjow cringe. "If I can find a way to restore your health, you might survive."

"What about the healin' captain? Don'tcha gotta whole division dedicated ta fixin' people?"

Kurotsuchi looked over at the Espada. "Unfortunately, kidous cannot merge with a body to mend it if it has no spiritual pressure."

"But I do have spiritual pressure…" My voice was soft, and small.

"Not much." Mayuri looked back to me, at least having the decency to appear sad.

I glanced from Urahara to Grimmjow. Gathering strength from my lover's gaze – however troubled it might be – I asked what neither of them had the courage to.

"… How much time do I have…?"

Urahara glanced at me, sorrow filling his gaze. Grimmjow stared at me, then at the scientist, anxious waiting for his answer. Mayuri turned to look at me.

"Two, maybe three weeks. If I can't come up with a cure."

I felt strong arms come around my shoulders; Grimmjow was suddenly beside me. Despair threatened to wash over my emotions, and I quickly tried to force it away. Tears brimmed in my eyes nonetheless. I hung my head.

"Thank you, Mayuri," Urahara murmured. "You will be in contact with us?" The man must have nodded; my view was partially obstructed by Grimmjow's body. My eyes weren't on him anyway. I breathed in the musky scent of the man beside me. I felt Urahara's hand on my shoulder. "Hold onto him, Grimmjow, in case he passes out." The Arrancar's grip around my body tightened in response.

…

I nearly _did _lose consciousness. My hand fisted in Grimmjow's torn, white jacket as I fought the closing darkness. Everything surrounding us was now quiet, and calm. My feet weren't touching the ground. I was in his arms.

He kissed my hair, hands holding me securely. "We're home now, Ichi. Are ya tired?" I nodded, not bothering to open my eyes. I heard Urahara speak. He was near us.

"Do you feel any pain, Ichigo? Hungry? Thirsty?"

I shook my head. "… No more pain than usual…"

"Alright. Grimmjow, you can take him to rest."

My surroundings changed, and I felt Grimmjow moving. He shifted me in his arms, and then there was something soft beneath me. I didn't have the strength to open my eyes now. I felt his warmth beside me.

"Sleep, Ichi. I'll be here when ya wake up. 'M not leavin' ya anymore." Gently, he pulled me against his body. My smaller one molded to his in the warm bed as I rested my temple on his shoulder. His arms looped around me. I breathed in his sweet, warm breath.

Everything was okay.

* * *

><p>It was nighttime when I awoke. Moonlight drifted in through the window, bathing us in pale white. I felt recharged from my nap. Grimmjow was drowsily awake beside me, still cradling me against his body in almost a protective manner. I smiled faintly. <em>'If only he could protect me from myself. Then my body wouldn't be killing me.'<em>

"Grimmjow…?"

His azure eyes became alert, resting me on. He smiled.

"Feelin' better?" I nodded, cuddling closer to him. "Good."

I gazed up at him, enjoying his warmth against my skin. "Grimmjow, what happened in Hueco Mundo…?"

He gazed at me for a moment, and then sighed. "Well, I got there, and everythin' was crazy. Hollows runnin' everywhere. They saw me and… And they thought I was some leader. 'Cause I was an Espada, I guess. So… I tried ta get things back ta'gether, as fast as I could, so I could get back ta you. But then the shinigami came back."

I nodded. "Yeah, I know about that. You… Didn't get hurt, did you…?"

Grimmjow smiled, but it was a sad smile. "Look at ya. Yer the one who's hurtin' an' yer askin' me if I'm okay." His lips gently touched my nose. "Nah, 'm fine."

I sighed softly, and then arched my back in a stretch. A wince followed the motion. "Ow…"

"Ya okay?" His gaze was concerned.

"Yeah, just… My body is so achy…"

He blinked. "D'ya want me ta rub it fer ya?"

A small blush creeped across my cheeks. "I, uh… Sure, if you want to…" He smiled and nodded slightly.

"Can ya sit up?"

I pushed myself up carefully, and he maneuvered his way behind me so I was between his legs. I leaned back against him as he reached around to untie my obi. "Here, this's easier." He pushed my kimono off my shoulders so it pooled around my waist. The cool air felt amazingly good on my skin.

When his large, somewhat rough hands descended on my shoulders and began to gently knead at the muscles, I was on cloud nine. The treatment felt heavenly. Breathing a blissful sigh, I leaned back against his chest. "Mmn…"

"Feel good?"

I nodded quickly, eyes slipping closed.

He worked all the way down my back, kneading at the muscles until the knots were gone and I felt like jelly. Only when I began to fall asleep did he stop and pull me against his body, cradling me in his lap as he leaned back against the wall. I listened to his steady heartbeat through the fabric of his shirt.

"Ichi…?"

"Hm…"

"… I promise ya that I'll find ya, when ya come back. I'll help ya remember everythin'. I love ya, berry…"

There were no words to describe the affection that filled my heart up. All I could do was cuddle closer to him and return his whisper.

"I love you too…"

All was quiet and serene as he held me, breathing softly against my ear. I drifted off into the first peaceful sleep I'd had in weeks.


	5. Chapter 5

_Hello readers. I know I've never addressed you in this story, but I think this is necessary._

_First off, thank you so much to everyone who has followed this story, favorited it, and most of all, reviewed it. Some of the reviews you guys have left have just made my day. I love feedback, and this story has gotten a lot more positive responses than I thought it would._

_Right now, I'm not sure where this story will go from here, but I've just begun the three month summer break between high school and my first year of college, so I'll have a lot of time during the days to work on it. _

_This chapter has an official warning of **character death**. I literally cried while I was writing this ending. I apologize for such a short chapter. On a lighter note, if you guys know me, you know I can't just end it here. So look for the new "chapter" of this book soon. :)_

_~Illumination_

* * *

><p><strong>Like a Moth to the Flame<strong>

Written by _Illuminate the Shadows_

Chapter Five

_1,899 words_

* * *

><p>Kurotsuchi was wrong.<p>

He said I would make it another two or three weeks. That my body would hold out longer.

I only made it six days.

It was early afternoon. Urahara was in his study. Grimmjow was sitting out on the deck, toying with Pantera's sheathe. A sucker was in his mouth and his bare feet up on the railing. I sat next to him, watching his large hands.

"I'm thirsty."

Grimmjow turned those azure eyes on me. "Whaddya want?" I shook my head, smiling weakly at him.

"There's some pink lemonade in the fridge. I'll get it."

"Ya sure?" He watched as I pushed myself up, using the wooden swing-bench as a crutch. My knees trembled slightly.

"I'm okay." I flashed him a quick smile, and then it fell slightly as my voice lowered to a whisper. "Love you…"

He smirked a bit, but it softened into a smile. "Love ya too, kid." He took the lollipop out of his mouth. "Why don'tcha get me a glass too."

Nodding, I turned to make my way inside and to the kitchen. My lungs felt constricted again by the time I opened the fridge, and I ignored the ache in my chest. I took the pitcher out and poured two glasses.

"Ya okay?" Grimmjow called from the porch. I spun around to answer him. A harsh wave of dizziness swept over me.

"Ye…ah," I murmured, gripping the counter and waiting for the vertigo to pass.

It didn't.

Everything was spinning. I didn't realize I was falling until I hit the kitchen of the tile. Pain erupted in my chest. I heard Grimmjow say my name twice, questioning at first, then in alarm. His hands were on my body. Then everything went black.

* * *

><p>When I came to, my senses were dulled. I felt as if I was in quicksand. I was lying down on something soft. There was something placed over my mouth and nose. I assumed it was to help me breathe, because I was having no trouble doing just that. I heard voices nearby. They were fuzzy at first, but their words slowly began to make sense.<p>

"Ichigo? Can you hear me?"

It was Kisuke. I forced my eyes to open. He was looming over me, on my right side. Familiar blue eyes looked down at me from my left.

"Ah, you're awake. Do you feel any pain? Just move your head," he added. Carefully, I shook my head. "Can you breathe alright? Do you think you can manage without the mask?" I nodded slowly. Kisuke reached up to remove the plastic covering my nose and mouth, supplying me with oxygen. I immediately felt the difference; the air wasn't nearly as fresh, or as pure.

Kisuke turned his head away; there were more people in the room that I couldn't see. "Can I have a moment with him, please."

"Of course." That was my dad. I heard footsteps, and then Kisuke turned back, looking across at Grimmjow. The Espada's eyes narrowed.

"Listen hat n' clogs, if ya think I'm leavin' fer even one second, yeh've gone off the–"

I touched his forehead, and he immediately halted, looking down at me. I opened my mouth, not sure if my voice would work. I was pleasantly surprised; the only difference was the softness of my tone.

"It's okay, Grimmjow… Just… For a minute…"

He hesitated, and then leaned down to kiss my cheek lightly. "I'll be back 'fore ya know it."

I watched his figure retreat into the hallway, and his door slipped shut.

"Ichigo," Kisuke murmured.

"Kisuke… There isn't anything you can do, is there."

The tall man gazed at me for a long moment, and then shook his head lightly.

"My abilities are useless, Ichigo. You know this. I've been searching for some sort of cure. There just… Wasn't enough time."

Tears should have pricked my eyes, but I held them back.

* * *

><p>The moon was bright that night. It drenched us in milky shine as he carried me to the garden. Unhooked from the heart monitors and machines to help me breathe, my body was weak in his strong arms. My heartbeat flickered faintly against my ribs.<p>

He sat down underneath the cherry tree and cradled me in his arms. The scent of the blossoms was calming. I listened to his breathing. He was a creature of tranquility, of life, of protection. There was no place I'd rather be.

They say that as a person is enveloped in their last dying moments, they are submerged in peacefulness as their life is reiterated, before their eyes. So much more had happened to me in my teenage years than the normal human.

I saw mom. Her long hair blowing gently in the wind. That loving, kind smile. I saw Yuzu and Karin for the first time. I held them, my young brain amazed by the newborns. I met Orihime. Tatsuki. Keigo. All of my friends. I saw Rukia, reliving the night when I had gained my shinigami powers. I saw the Bount, the Visored, all the shinigami I had become familiar with. I fought the Arrancar. I saw Gin, letting me live another minute. I saw Aizen.

I defeated Aizen. The world would be safe again.

I saw myself in that alleyway. The pain, the despair. But he was there. He saved me. He chased away the feel of their fingers on my skin with his own hands. I was shrouded in the feelings of affection, of trust, of disbelief I had felt the past few months. I loved him. I loved him with all my faintly beating heart had to give. I trusted him with my life. I needed him with every fiber in my being.

* * *

><p>I held his hand all night. His skin was like ice.<p>

Watching him say goodbye to his family, I stood from afar. I felt like a stranger. His little sisters were losing a big brother. His father was losing another kin close to him. Certainly this family had been through enough. Why him? He was so fucking young. It wasn't fair. He hadn't lived. He hadn't had enough time on this planet.

I could do nothing but nod when he asked to go outside. Even Kisuke, knowing that without those machines, the kid wouldn't last long, agreed. He had touched Ichigo's wrist for a brief moment, then turned and left. I'd picked him up. His body was so light, so frail. Like if I moved one of his limbs slightly the wrong direction, it'd snap without much warning.

The air was cold and crisp outside. Relaxing. I found a nice spot by a tree, and sat with him in my arms. His chocolate eyes gazed up at me, soft and inviting. As if nothing was wrong. As if our love was the only thing in the world.

I fought back fucking tears for God knows how long.

The moon moved in the sky, but I couldn't tell how long it'd been. We didn't talk much, but when words were spoken, I did most of the talking. There wasn't much need for words right now. His eyes spoke for him.

I felt his heartbeat flutter against my chest. Ever so weakly. Growing weaker, it seemed. His breath was merely a faint tickle against my jaw. My fingertips brushed ginger locks from his face. I felt the wetness on my face. My fuckin' brain was still trying to deny it. Trying to block out the reality that I couldn't do a thing about it. Nothing I could do or say would save the one I so desperately clung to. I felt so helpless, so useless.

His brown eyes began to cloud over.

With strength I didn't know he still had, he reached up and touched the tears on my cheeks. His fingers were almost painfully cold.

"Grimmjow."

"Berry… Save your strength." I took his hand and gently pushed it down to rest on his stomach. He smiled faintly, eyes slightly wet.

"Y-You're not… The boss of me…"

I choked out a soft laugh. He grimaced.

"Ichigo…"

He was trying to hold on. I could see it in his glazing eyes. Feel it in his tensed body. He was desperately fighting the inevitable. And it was causing him pain. He didn't want to leave me. I didn't want him to leave either.

But I couldn't cause him pain like this.

Tears streaked down my face as I brushed my thumb along his cheekbone. "Ichigo," my voice was hoarse, "let go. You can let go."

I felt the change. His eyes rested on mine, slowly losing focus. Another painful breath into his lungs. Another flutter of his failing heart.

"Love you…"

His murmur broke whatever emotional barrier I was still distantly holding up. My teeth bared as tears mercilessly overflowed. Droplets fell onto his cheek.

"Ichigo, I love you…"

There was no more flutter. No more breath. His eyes no longer focused on mine. There was no tension in his body. No hand holding mine back.

With a soft sob, I held his lifeless body close to mine.


	6. Chapter 6

**Like a Moth to the Flame**

Written by _Illuminate the Shadows_

Chapter Six

_2,960 words_

* * *

><p>It was so dark.<p>

I felt no flutter of my heartbeat. No air filling my lungs. How was I still alive?

Or was I alive? I could feel nothing on my fingertips but air. Nothing around me. The body was neither cold nor warm. Just a lingering temperature. Or did my body even have a temperature? Everything was so precarious. There were no sounds. No indications to where I was. Was I dead? Was I dreaming?

I seemed to float in the black abyss for an endless amount of time before I awoke. Or, rather, I became aware of my surroundings. There was cold grass beneath me, wet with early twilight dew. A large tree stretched overhead. The white stars dotted the dark blue sky. This all seemed right. Familiar.

Where was I? Standing up slowly, I convinced my feet to move. One in front of the other, until I found myself on a desolate street, lined with little shops and buildings. A city, it seemed. An abandoned one, at that – or at least for the moment. I looked down at my own hands. Tan, with thin fingers. A golden band on the third finger. Who was I? A name surfaced. _Ichigo. Kurosaki Ichigo._

I was not in the form I vaguely recalled from my previous life. I was different. It was yet another mystery in my broken existence. Some of the pieces to this particular puzzle were missing. Actually, nearly all of them had been misplaced. Everything was foggy, as if I'd been submerged in a murky swamp. I knew nothing. I was alone.

And so I was left to wander the city dwellings, clinging to the only two puzzle pieces that remained. A name; a label that held the promise of meaning everything, yet at this very moment, meant next to nothing. And the useless urge – no, yearning – to remain within the vicinity. There was no meaning behind this urge; no revealed purpose. Yet it was strong enough to override all common sense and feral instinct my impulsive mind still possessed. Something was commanding that I not wander too far. I feared that if I pushed to the edge of that area, I would burst. So I didn't dare test it.

Who had I been? Did I have family that I left behind? Did they miss me? Were they searching for me, right now? Would I recognize them if I saw them? So many questions. All without answers. Was I destined to wander these streets for eternity, vaguely wondering who I was and where I belonged? These questions viciously swirled within my head as I mindlessly continued down an unseen path.

I stumbled across a market. I soon found out the people there couldn't see me. No amount of yelling or waving my arms would attract their attention. All sorts of food and drink passed from hand to hand to mouth before I came to realize that I had no need to eat. I searched each face with hopeful eyes. None familiar. None recognizable. Disheartened, I turned away, continuing to tread along the sidewalk.

Was this all a terrible dream? A nightmare? Would I wake up soon, and remember? I wished desperately that there was someone to answer my questions, but I was alone.

Slowly, as the second night of my existence wore on, I came to the conclusion that I had passed away in my former life and moved on to some odd afterlife. An afterlife where my soul took on a different shape, I didn't need food, humans couldn't see me, and I couldn't remember anything that had happened to me. This seemed like a logical solution, because things that I assumed seemed to be right. I knew things that I couldn't remember learning.

_How did I die? Did I commit suicide? Murdered? Was it an accident?_

The sun rose again, and I found myself in a rural area, lined with homes. Rain drizzled upon me as I staggered down the street. The sound of a door closing caught my attention. I turned. A small girl was leaving one of the houses, a schoolbag slung over her shoulder. She spun around to take the few stairs leading away from her home. Her eyes swept out into the street distractedly.

And stopped right on me.

Startled, I could do nothing but stare. Could she see me? Her eyes were focused on my figure, instead of the blank stare through my body that I had become accustomed to. She wavered for a moment longer, then turned and fled.

"Wh-… Wait!"

Forcing my legs to move faster, I pursued her. If she could see me, maybe she could help. The desire to interact with someone was too strong. I couldn't let this chance slip away. Running faster, I gained on her.

She turned into an alley between a restaurant and a hardware store. I followed, and came to a halt. She cowered in the corner, trapped by a tall fence.

"I… Won't hurt you…" Was I speaking the language she spoke? Could she hear me too? I hoped this was another case where I knew something was right. Her frightened turquoise eyes peered at me from behind a dumpster. "I just want some help. Please."

The girl hesitated, seemingly gathering the courage to speak, and then said in a soft, trembling voice, "A-Are you a… A monster?"

I took a tentative step toward her. "N-No, I'm not. I… Don't know what I am." I moved closer, crouching to her level a few yards away from the dumpster. "I'm just really confused. Will you help me?"

The young girl didn't move for a moment, and I worried she was petrified with fear. _Please. Please don't refuse._ But then she moved slowly, out from behind the green box. She carefully came closer.

"… You're not alive…" she whispered. After a moment of slight shock, I nodded, one of my suspicions confirmed. _I'm not so sure I should be pleased with that…_

"How do you know?"

"I've seen things like you before. I've always been able to see. But none of my friends can. My dad says you're made up, but I know you aren't because I can do this." Raising a small hand, she pressed her palm to my cheek.

Contact with another being; something I had not encountered yet. _Even though I'm dead and she's alive, she can still touch me… _For some reason, this thought stirred some kind of foreign memory. But before I could grasp it, it fluttered away like a dove. Her hand was warm against my cool skin. The corners of my lips twitched upwards. "I'm real."

She gazed up at me with large azure eyes. "What can I do to help you?"

My chocolate eyes didn't waver as I gazed at her.

"You can help me find my family."

* * *

><p>Who the fuck was I anymore.<p>

Without him, what the hell was my purpose.

…

I hadn't been able to stay at his funeral. There were flowers everywhere. A solemn aura. His kid sisters crying, that Orihime woman too. A lot of students from his school were there. Everyone knew him. But they hadn't known him like I'd known him. And it pissed me off. My temper flared without a real reason, and I wanted to refrain from hurting any of his friends or family. So I'd fled to a rooftop and sat upon it. Tears had run down my cheeks and fallen to the sidewalk stories below.

Emotions like that were tangible to me now. It was all his fault, but I didn't blame him. Nothing could be blamed on him.

After a day of mourning, I'd begun to look in places he'd most likely be. Urahara went to Seireitei to see if any of the shinigami had cleansed his soul – or whatever. He said that was the most probable outcome. Seireitei was a large place though, and not every shinigami would recognize him. Everyone was questioned, and the place was searched. I, on the other hand, went to Hueco Mundo to see if his soul had been sent there. The hollows on the outer edges of the desert were distorted beyond recognition, and I might as well've been blind as a fucking bat. I relied on my sense of reiatsu, hoping his hadn't changed much. But after days and days of searching, I was empty-handed.

It fucking hurt. I had no idea it would devastate me so severely. There wasn't a road that I knew that led to anywhere. Without him, I was lost. Without him, I was blind. Without him, I was fucking useless. I felt like an idiot for allowing myself to become so weak. But there was no helping it.

It had been a week, and I was a wreck. He still hadn't turned up in Hueco Mundo. Frustrated and nearly devoid of any faith or hope, I'd returned to Urahara's shop. The ex-shinigami had shaken his head. No luck.

And so here I sat, on the back porch of the shop owner's place. The stars were out, and shining down brightly. They reminded me of him. Drenched in twilight, my brows furrowed in agony as I gazed up at the round moon.

_Ichigo… Come back to me._

* * *

><p>"This's you, right?"<p>

Crouching in the girl's backyard, I examined the picture she held out. Fingers clawed, I took it. The boy in the picture had vibrant orange hair. He looked happy, healthy. He chocolate eyes gleamed. He looked to be in his elder teenage years. His body was lean, and he looked to be of average height. Underneath the picture, the boy's name was spelt out in small letters.

_Kurosaki Ichigo._

"It looks like you."

I raised my head to look at the girl. She shrugged.

"I mean, you look kind of like him." She took the picture back. "The story says… You're 17. You were in your final year of school. And… You died of heart failure."

The words sank in. "… Does it say anything about my family?"

She was silent for a moment as her eyes skimmed the page. "… It says your father and little sisters will greatly miss you." _So I have little sisters… _She set the page down. "But I used the internet to find out more stuff about you." She held up another piece of paper. "It's got your schools you've been at, your blog page, your address, your dad's work–"

"My address?" I reached for the paper. Eyes settled on the street and its number. "This isn't too far from here…" I smiled at her. "Thank you."

Her own smile was slightly lopsided. "If you find what you're looking for, will you come back and visit?"

My smile fell slightly. "I… I don't know if I'll be able to." She looked a bit disappointed. "I'll try. I promise you that."

She nodded. "'Bye Ichigo."

* * *

><p>I had a dream of him.<p>

I don't dream much. That's probably 'cause I don't sleep much. And when I do sleep, I never dream… Or I hardly ever remember them.

But I sure as hell remembered this one.

He was there in my arms. Alive. Warm. Beautiful. His tanned skin, his glowing hair, his bright eyes. My lips touched his cheek, his nose, his own lips. And he nuzzled into my neck. Fuckin' adorable. The slice of heaven couldn't have lasted long enough. Unfortunately for me, it didn't even last half as long as that. I soon found myself staring up at the gray ceiling, lying in a bed, alone. There was no warm body next to me, no bright orange hair, no beautiful chocolate eyes. Only the bitter reality.

My heart hurt.

Urahara was in the dining room. Food already set on the table. I sat down wordlessly and began to eat, keeping my gaze down. I didn't want to look up into the blonde man's eyes and listen to his reasoning. It hadn't done a damn bit of good yet.

"Perhaps he became a Plus."

My eyes rose from the noodles on my plate as his voice broke the near silence. The shop owner was fanning himself lightly with his fan. I dropped my chopsticks onto the bowl.

"What the hell is a Plus?"

"It's a soul that becomes tied to someone or something in the Living world, and won't move on. They eventually become a Hollow." The man sighed and gazed at me. "I suppose he could be wandering around the town, tied to you or his family. But it's strange we haven't sensed his reiatsu, if that is the case."

"Why didn't ya tell me that earlier."

"I didn't believe it to be a possibility, but since we haven't had any luck with anywhere else…" He stood, taking both of our bowls of ramen. "If you're going to search for him now, you should look in places where he spent a majority of his time." He moved into the kitchen. "That's where I'd start."

The midnight air was crisp. Cold. Refreshing. Too bad my mind was too caught up with thoughts of him to enjoy it.

I approached the Kurosaki house with a sense of apprehension. Why, after all these days and weeks of missing him, was I hesitant to go somewhere where he might be? Avoiding someone I felt so strongly about? The answer was clear in my head.

_He won't remember me._

It was the cold truth. His memory wouldn't retain all the days we'd spent together. I'd be lucky if he remembered my name. I was just kidding myself, hoping he would. _I just don't wanna face the ugly truth._

The streets were quiet and motionless. Settling down on a tree stump, half hidden by a shrub, I glanced around. Nothing to do now, but wait. Wait, and think.

_Gods, I miss him. Fuck the shame of sentimental shit. I need him. I ain't half of who I am without him. _A cool breeze drifted over the surroundings that I blended in with. _He was the reason I stayed. He gave me a purpose. _I rubbed my face with my hands. _All those fights. All the spiteful words. The injuries. The hate. What a turnaround. And the worst thing is, I know he doesn't miss me like I miss him. _A soft sigh escaped my mouth. _I hope I can bring back his memory when I find him. I hope he's willing. I hope he isn't… _

My thoughts trailed off, but the threat remained there. What if he was a full hollow, concerned about nothing but killing and eating other souls? What if I was too late?

Time passed. It could have been long minutes, or hours. My sense of time was all fucked up. The moon was high in the sky, and only a mere sliver, it hung precariously. Had my eyes not been trained to see in such darkness, I might not have seen the figure making its way up the sidewalk.

_Just a passerby. Nothing more. _I barely spared the person a glance before my eyes returned to the house. There was only one light on, in what I assumed to be his sisters' room. A wave of something – what felt like almost warmth – washed over me, spreading down the nape of my neck throughout my whole body.

Reiatsu.

I felt the fine hairs on the back of my neck stand up. My fingertips tingled, preparing to grow claws in the spirit of a potential fight.

_But what if it's him?_

My grin fell, and I stood. The figure was closer now, seemingly limping.

_It isn't him. That's only my fuckin' mind, dreamin' away._

"Wh-Who's there?"

My blood ran cold in my veins.

…

"I'm just looking for someone… Can you help me?"

_His voice… _I stepped forward for a closer look, praying to whatever fuckin' God was up there that my ears weren't deceiving me. My words caught in my throat. _Those chocolate eyes… I'd recognize them anywhere. _His body was different – more hollow-like, but that was expected. It didn't matter to me. _It's him…_

"Oh… Ichigo," I murmured, gazing at him.

His eyes widened slightly.

…

"You know my name?"


	7. Chapter 7

_Hello readers._

_I am both saddened and somewhat proud to present to you the finale of this story. I'm sorry to those of you who were hoping for more... But my imagination just ran its course for this story. I tried not to end it lamely, and I hope this tale can stand proudly as a whole. It has been quite a pleasure writing this for you guys, you've been a great audience. I've gotten so many beautiful reviews on this and I'm hoping to start a new story soon. Not sure what pairing yet, but my creative muse will emerge yet again, soon enough. Again, thank you all so much. You make writing worthwhile, and you make my day :)_

_~ Illumination_

* * *

><p><strong>Like a Moth to the Flame<strong>

Written by _Illuminate the Shadows_

Chapter Seven ~ Epilogue

_926 words ~_

* * *

><p>… Whatever heart I had nearly tore in half.<p>

I'd been expecting it. Of course he didn't really remember me. He wasn't quite Ichigo… Well, he was, but his mind wasn't the same. What really fucked me up was…

He didn't love me anymore.

Whatever look was on my face must have been enough tell him something was off, because he took a step closer. "… You knew me, didn't you? Are we… Family…?"

Raising my eyes to him, I gazed at him. Despite the lack of 'heart', a small smile formed on my lips. His voice was reassuring.

"Nah, we ain't family. We, ah… We were friends."

The young boy stared at me, examining my eyes, my features, my hair.

"You look so familiar…" he murmured quietly, taking a step closer. Brightening up a bit, I watched him closely. "What's your name?"

"Ichigo, we gotta get you to Seireitei."

His blank stare was priceless. "What's Seireitei…?"

Smirking, I reached forward to take his hand. "Hold on."

* * *

><p>"How is he?"<p>

Urahara took his hat off slowly, avoiding my eyes. My fingers flexed as I gazed at him desperately. I was _desperate_. Fuck me.

The former shinigami simply smiled.

"Why don't'cha go see for yourself?"

…

The swing of a door.

Silence.

A smile.

"… Grimmjow."

* * *

><p>Long, lost lovers. Reunited.<p>

It hadn't been forever, but then, just a few hours without him felt like forever to me.

He held onto me, strong arms wrapped around my lean figure. I never wanted him to let go. His reiatsu swirled around me like a thick fog, wrapping me in its warmth. I fell in love with him all over again, and the beautiful thing was, I wasn't sure I'd ever fallen _out_ of love.

There were many things to do. Decide what I would do now. Join the academy, if that was my choice. Reunite with my friends. My dad. My little sisters. But all that could wait. He had missed me so desperately, and although I hadn't quite felt it at the time, I had missed him terribly as well. We both needed this time.

He carried me to the park. That spot where we had spent time together before my death. He sat down, with my under the tree, and I laid my head on his shoulder. There was nothing but peace. Serenity. _Love._

"'M not gonna be able to say it 'nough times. I missed ya, Berry," he murmured into my hair. A smile turned my lips upwards.

"How much…?"

I raised my eyes up to him, startled by his weakened azure gaze. "A lot," he admitted, tightening his arm around my midsection. "I didn't know what ta do with myself. I wandered around. I was so mad that I couldn't'a done somethin'. Mad that you hadta go. Worried I'd never see ya again. A… Afraid that somethin' bad had happened to ya."

Our eyes met. It was obvious he wasn't lying. He had really been afraid for me… This man whom I had always thought was invincible. The man who, in the process of saving my life, had murdered three men mercilessly. This man before me had killed hundreds – if not thousands – of innocent souls. He had always been known as rude, sadistic, ruthless, by not only me but my peers, and his own allies. Yet here he was before me, bearing his soul. He _did_ have a weakness; something that could break his confidence, make him feel real emotions, underneath all of that armor he had built up over the years. His weakness was _me. _

It felt good to know I was so important to someone.

* * *

><p>I started training in the academy. It felt good to learn everything all over again. It was something familiar. Grimmjow was allowed into Seireitei. It was refreshing – if not a bit strange – to see him interact civilly with the shinigami I'd known for years.<p>

I went to see my family with Grimmjow. We explained it all to my dad first… And he came up with an explanation for my little sisters. It took a bit of convincing, but eventually I could see them. I had really missed them all, even my eccentric dad.

Grimmjow rarely left my side. And when he did, it was only because I was training at the academy in Seireitei. He would be waiting outside my class. Eventually, I didn't care what the other students, or any of my peers thought. I held his hand in public, and even allowed a kiss or two.

Every night, I would curl up against his body in the darkness of my quarters. His breathing was my lullaby. Some nights we would make love. But our relationship wasn't just about sex anymore. It was deeper.

We were in love.


End file.
